


Lacuna

by ghee (sabakunoghee)



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Blank Period, Emotional Hurt, Hokage Hatake Kakashi, M/M, One-Sided Attraction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-03-07
Packaged: 2019-11-13 12:22:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18031643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sabakunoghee/pseuds/ghee
Summary: “It wasyourdream to become a Hokage, wasn’t it?”And now, Kakashi is livingyourdream.T rated | Canon/IC | AngstA one-shot about Hatake Kakashi, Maito Gai, and Uchiha Obito.





	Lacuna

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 한국어 available: [Lacuna](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18142280) by [ghee (sabakunoghee)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sabakunoghee/pseuds/ghee), [ryuboa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryuboa/pseuds/ryuboa)



> Set after Kakashi Hiden. Unbetaed.

The war has ended.

 

Allied Shinobi Force claimed their victory. Nevertheless, as the result, every village was forced to focus on rebuilding what they have lost; especially in human resources and broken infrastructures.

 

Konoha was no different. With Tsunade announced her resignation from her position, the citizen had to immediately choose the new leader. Hatake Kakashi was appointed before the war was started; but he asked some times to heal his wounds. Physically, he was more than just ready, but he claimed that his loss of _sharingan_ decreased his fighting ability as well as his capability in protecting the village. The silver-haired asked for a postponement regarding his inauguration – which was approved by the former Hokage and the elders; but of course, they gave him a final deadline and when the time comes, Kakashi had no chance to decline it. The former ANBU agreed, and as a compensation, he approved a final mission to oversee the flight of Tobishachimaru, a flying ship created by Land of Waves’ artisan.

 

He eventually accomplished the mission – and things after another happened as fast as a blink of an eye. Kakashi was drowned in his new, endless obligations, right after he gained the title of Rokudaime Hokage. Paperwork and meetings, politics and smooth-talks, mission roster and Kage Summit; his busy days became out of control that Shizune and some young _shinobi_ had to lend him a hand (and _guide_ , somehow). Slow but sure, his spare time turned out to be insignificant. Maito Gai was the one who suffered the most – he felt that he had ‘lost’ the ‘rival’ he ever knew. But he couldn’t tell Kakashi petty things like that; his feeling was meaningless compared to serious issues concerning their village.

 

He could handle it – he could endure _anything_ , even death.

 

He cheated death _once_. Even though it was a bit of pure luck that Naruto saved him in the nick of time. He lost one of his legs as the result of opening the Eight Gate; _he was so proud of the fact that he was the only human survived to pass the story_. Gai was so glad that he was still alive. The bliss of living was the reason he was _there_. In front of the memorial stone. His eyes glued on one certain, familiar name.

 

“I know you’re not practically here, but Kakashi did this a lot so… I thought I have to respect his habit and do the same thing,” Gai wheeled his way slowly toward the monument. He kept a yard-distance from the _kunai-_ shaped structure while reading the _kanji_ which was carved on it, “…Obito.”

 

Kakashi did this a lot since his ‘death’ was officially proclaimed.

 

“It must be lonely down there, _ne_? Kakashi is so busy lately, he doesn’t even have enough time for himself and it’s not his fault if he can’t spare a little of his time to visit you regularly as he used to. I hope you can understand him and his rapid activities. It’s not like he doesn’t want to talk to you anymore, and… You might be upset because I did this on behalf of him – he’s your teammate, anyway,” _more than just two friends_ , Gai knew it too well, but he decided not to say that, “He always… Speak to you like this, doesn’t he? Telling you about what happened in our village, about Minato-sama, about Rin, about...” _you_. His dark, mellow, sharp eyes stared blankly at the obsidian-colored sculpture.

 

In the end, Uchiha Obito, just like any other Uchihas, was a true prodigy – _a late bloomer one,_ he should add – but indeed a worthy fighter and an extraordinarily strong opponent. He survived with half of his body being crushed and continued training hard so he could function as a warrior once more. He even acted as the vessel of the ten tails; anybody slightly weaker than him would face their certain death with such power within their body. Obito was _strong._ Stronger than him, he bitterly admitted. Gai could feel his grip on the handle of his wheelchair tightened and it hurt. Why a great shinobi like him was blinded by mere revenge and decided to side with a lunatic maniac – he would never understand.

 

“Obito, I’m sorry, I didn’t tell you this when you’re still alive. Well, all of us thought that you were dead back then – maybe, it’s also our fault because none of us came back to retrieve your remains, if only we did that and found out that you’re still alive, the rest of the story would be completely different.”

 

“You – and _your death_ changed Kakashi, don’t you know that?”

 

A broken smile,

 

“We both know how arrogant he was. He thought he could handle anything by himself, he never shared his pain and heartbreak to anyone – about his dead father, about his depression, about his suicidal thoughts. Do you know how many times he fetched the death on purpose?” Gai let out a loud sigh, small chuckle with a hint of sadness, “To be fair, Obito, since you were gone, he changed into… A completely different person. He showed us, showed _me_ , his softer side and how he didn’t want to face another death, that he treasures a comrade more than anything, that he respects teamwork, but…”

 

 _But_ – the man in green jumpsuit exhaled, deeply.

 

“…he almost killed himself, countless times.”

 

When they were younger and inexperienced, the mission went wrong and they were trapped with enemies surrounding them. Gai was ready to sacrifice himself, yet Kakashi didn’t let him. He was a stubborn group leader; he put his team’s safety at all cost, he almost abandoned the main objective, he wanted everybody to _live_. The past Gai didn’t understand Kakashi’s obsession to save the world, but his recent-self understood it way too well. The main reason was the one he currently spoke with.

 

“I… couldn’t let him die, obviously, so I tried my best to be strong. Stronger than him, if only I could, I want to surpass him so I could protect him as…” he could hear how his voice disappeared, “As you did,” Gai grunted helplessly; it wasn’t _him_ to be this weak, “You… have died, _twice_ , for him, right?” A faint smile was craved on Gai’s look, “You traded your life for him, sometime, somewhere inside the dimension I couldn’t follow. I wasn’t there so Kakashi thought he could fool me for not telling the truth. But you know it better, his eyes are more honest than his lips. And you – how I can _compete_ with such thing, Obito? How could I _win_ against a person who sacrifices _everything_ to keep him living?”

 

He already knew the answer,

 

_He could not._

 

“Ah, I just remember, his eyes…” Gai looked up at the sky. The clouds were moving fast. He shut his eyes, feeling the change of air pressure and strong breeze caressed his face, “Naruto restored his eye. His _real_ eye, which was once replaced by yours,” he really wanted to curse himself for being this sentimental, for real, “Since you gave him your _sharingan_ , he was known as the most formidable and deadly _shinobi_ across the country. People were afraid of him. He was infamous for his bad habit to annihilate his enemies mercilessly. I think that was the impression he wanted to create – to be _feared_. In that case, no one would brave enough to stay beside him, to understand him. But guess what?”

 

“I _stay_.”

 

“I was there, I’ve always been there, and I could assure you that I will _always_ do – but, it wasn’t me he wanted. It was… _you_ ,” his voice cracked, but he forced himself to continue even though he didn’t know to what end, “How could I know, you ask?” such a rhetorical question, “It was obvious, Obito; he visited you first, every single day, as early as he could, he talked to you before he did anything else.”

 

“His mind misguided him. He lost track of time. He lost his purpose, he lost his passion for living after you left him – Obito, do you even know how cruel you were? You left him a scar so deep that could never heal, even by time. He used your cursed eye to satisfy his hunger for revenge – although deep down inside, he knew he would _never_ feel peace by murdering his targets – he possessed a power he couldn’t handle yet he still abused it and made himself dirty by hatred and blood and…” a long pause, “…he used it since you’re gone, he spent _half of his life_ using _your_ eye to see the world for _you_.”

 

To be your eye,

 

To be _yours_.

 

“You _left_ and I _stay_.”

 

“It took me _years_ to make him see me as a worthy rival. And you just, _suddenly_. _Casually_. Returned on the other side of the war – and I have to admit that it shocked me. I almost could feel his emotion that day when he finally could see you again. I could sense how complicated his mind was and how hard he had to keep himself together. Trust me, Obito, the length of time we spent together is more than enough to get to know someone better, and I _know_ him better than you did, but you… you were there for a day, only one _fucking_ day and you shattered my struggle for almost two decades helping him to move forward from your _fake_ death, just by _you_ reappearing in front of us; you tell me, is it _fair_?”

 

However, Maito Gai always knew that life was _unfair_.

 

He _understood_ it the most.

 

He wasn’t born a prodigy. He didn’t have a privilege to train _ninjutsu_ or _genjutsu_ from his father who didn’t master them either. He had to struggle harder, way _harder_ than his fellow _shinobi_ to achieve his ultimate goals. He never gave up. He didn’t even think to give up. He was brave enough to challenge the most brilliant student in his class and self-proclaimed himself as his ‘rival’ despite the gap of their prowess. He was a confident young man who transformed into a highly-skilled hand-to-hand-combatant – but all of it, all of his hard work, dedication, devotion, still, in fact, _wasn’t_ enough.

 

 _This is blasphemy_ – it wasn’t like he didn’t know. Speaking to a tombstone and expressing his anger like an idiot wouldn’t lead him anywhere. But he needed it. The stress release. Just a little bit of it. He had to spit everything out so he could finally be at peace. On top of that, it wasn’t for his only sake.

 

“Just like you, Obito, I would _die_ for him. I would, for his well-being, if my death could guarantee his freedom, his life, I would. I _did_ , actually,” he was saved by the tiniest touch of luck. If only Naruto came a second late, he would’ve talked to Obito _directly_ by now, “ – but somehow, I survived. And I thought it was a miracle until I saw how he still longing for your existence; do you know how much it _hurts_?”

 

“It was _your_ dream to become a Hokage, wasn’t it?”

 

_And now, Kakashi is living **your** dream._

 

Kakashi doubted himself because he felt unqualified since he lost his _sharingan_. Wasn’t it how he indirectly said that he couldn’t properly function as a leader of the village without Obito’s power?

 

“I could endure it, I swear my life that I would. Kakashi is a strong _shinobi_ , but being a Hokage is a different matter. He would need assistance and I want to be someone who can support him in any way. But it will be useless if he, _himself_ , can’t settle his heart into it – he can’t do the greater good if he’s still trapped in the miserable past of his, and _yours_ ,” Gai almost bite his inner cheek as he tried to get up from his seat. His left leg wasn’t fully healed yet and the sting of pain suddenly struck him that he almost fell on his face, “… this, is the only thing I wish you could do for _him_ , could you please…”

 

Gai might be disabled, but he wasn’t blind. He knew that Kakashi saw Obito in every direction, heard Obito’s voice in the melody of rustling leaves, and sensed Obito’s faint presence in the warmth of sunlight.

 

“Obito – I beg you, _please_ , let him go.”

 

_You’ve taken him away once, please don’t do it twice._

 

Maito Gai loved Hatake Kakashi _that_ much. _So_ much. _Too_ much that his big heart wasn’t able to contain it anymore. He spent his whole life watching _him_ grew up. And he doesn’t want to spend the rest of it witnessing _him_ stumble, crumble, and devastate. He wanted _him_ to be happy. He wanted to be _his_ reason to be happy. But, again, how could he _win_ against Uchiha Obito who was living eternally inside _his_ memory? How could he _beat_ the shit out of a dead person who lingered and sat on a throne he couldn’t compete? Gai didn’t know. And maybe, Kakashi himself would never let him know.

 

His silent question was left unanswered.

 

The rain was pouring gently on his skin; and Maito Gai pretended it wasn’t tears.

**Author's Note:**

> la·cu·na | \ lə-ˈkü-nə  
> a blank space or a missing part : GAP
> 
> A major and endless sorry for this head-canon. But if you read Kakashi Hiden, you will understand how much Kakashi treasured Obito and how HARD Gai tried to prove his existence in front of Kakashi.


End file.
